Study Finds Chimps Act Like Bush When Caged

By Elaine Meinel Supkis

A study demonstrated that chimps living in asocial conditions in labs act like the Bush clan. Further proof there is no god or he isn't very intelligent or at least the Bushes are related to chimps and thus, failed to evolve. Or maybe chimps hate researchers. Can't blame them.

From the BBC:

Captive chimpanzees fail to help others in their social group, even when it causes no inconvenience, a behavioural study in Nature journal has found.
Helpfulness is prevalent in humans, even when it may harm the helper's own interests to aid another.

Humanlike attributes shown by chimps include tool use and maybe rudimentary language skills, but this study suggests altruism is not among them.

But other researchers said that captive chimps may be less socially inclined.

Oh yeah? Like, um, this is really annoying. Put any group of innocent people in prison as children, don't let them learn any real chimp communication skills, don't allow them any tribal kin ties, just thrust them into a situation which turns "sharing" into something totally meaningless and voila!

They can't figure it out. This is because sharing without tit for tat fails. Ask humans! We operate on this principle very ruthlessly. We even eat chimps and chainsaw down their trees! And with not even a 'by your leave'!

And we talk about how we share! Good grief. Aside from the fact that we cannibalized our nearest relations and even ourselves, we have no right to lecture any living animal about sharing and caring! As we destroy the entire environment, exterminating whole groups of species, we certainly can't point fingers at our cousins, the Great Apes, they are victims of our inability to share or care.

Some humans do care about chimps just like some chimps care about humans but Bush is a throwback to Big Foot or many the Lochness Monster via his mom. Anyway, he doesn't give a shit about anyone outside his tiny circle. Ask the people of New Orleans! Ask me! Ask any chimpanzee.

Give me a banana.

Or not.

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